everybody's lazy

on low maintenance friendships, lack of community and loneliness

you haven’t communicated with each other in 2 months. you barely call, the only way you two speak to each other is through sending memes on instagram and tiktok. you haven’t had a real conversation filled with substance in ages but yet, according to you, that classifies as your ‘bestest friend, practically my sister.’ you’re delusional and this is your wake up call.

low maintenance isn’t a thing. it was a sort of concept that was curated on tiktok to justify and explain shitty friends. those friends that can never be bothered to meet up or text you first, but can definitely be bothered when it comes to the men that they’re crushing on because they’re chameleons. a hidden form of people that laughably, get away with everything because of those two words. low maintenance.

a part of me used to think that was normal. friends shouldn’t communicate multiple times a week or go out of their way to make plans to see each other more than once every two months. luckily, i killed that part of me. western society tends to pride itself on the concept of independence, claiming that no community is necessary because humans have a right to be selfish. the ‘you don’t owe anyone anything,’ mentality. what society fails to realise is that this mindset is what is killing us all.

the ‘bystander’ effect. the psychological theory that people are less likely to help others at risk or in danger if they see that other individuals are also present, simply because everyone has the same thought that somebody else will take action so, they don’t need to. living in a self-serving century is awful because until you are the person in danger, you will always maintain that mindset.

it’s another reason as to why you feel lonely. you mask it as an excuse for your low maintenance friends when you’re aware of the fact that it hurts you but yet, you withhold your complaints to not seem overbearing.

it feels like a constant performance, this forced act of nonchalance. continuously presenting yourself as someone who doesn’t care and heavily craves distance from people, for some reason, you think we’re stupid and fail to realise that you cannot go against your human nature. kim siever wrote that humans are weak, that on our own we will not be able to survive and he is every bit right. psychologists themselves suggest that ancient civilisation would not have survived if not for their community and sharing of resources to form their social networks. so, why do we keep trying to go against our innate human characteristics?

a lot of people are going to rebuttal this with the argument that we’ve distanced ourselves from each other to avoid emotional suffering. another thing we’ve seemed to forget that it is also human nature to be hurt and hurt others. none of us enjoy the pain caused to us or the pain we cause others but, we cannot avoid it. we will never avoid it so, to try and distance yourself from a community, from something your mind craves and yearns for, will never fulfil you because your hurt will come from your loneliness instead.

i’ve dealt with my fair share of ‘low maintenance’ people. it made me feel like i was chasing somebody who didn’t want me at all. i knew exactly how carrie bradshaw felt when i was in those moments. not knowing big life changing events that they were going through or not seeing them for months on end when you lived 3 miles away from each other. in what sort of ridiculous universe does that classify as a friend? when did we all get so lazy?

i love being alone, more than the average person does. however, i also adore having my own community, a group of people that i can call and they won’t act like i’m such a burden to their lives.

low maintenance is a magic trick we keep falling for. nothing should be of low effort, you wouldn’t accept that for a partner so, why accept it in friendships?