girl, breathe

you're not running out of time, you're 21.

bob ross, morgan freeman, viola davis, toni morrison, vera wang. all names of well-known celebrities who were not 14, 15, 16, or 17 years old when they began their career. they were all collectively over the age of 30 but yet, our minds plague and convince us in our 20s that we are behind, that we will never become who we desire to be. don’t give in to the deception. we’ve barely just begun.

you’re not me, i am not you.

we’re all aware of the concept of ‘comparison is the thief of joy.’ however, i don’t believe that we efficiently internalise this metaphor and utilise its’ meaning to our fullest potential. you place yourself in this cycle whereby you spend your hours scrolling on social media, comparing your career, body, face & lifestyle to individuals. something that you fail to grasp, is that you’re on social media.

media, where anything and everything can be meticulously curated, where you receive a minuscule glimpse into a strangers’ life. regardless, you grip onto that glimpse and use it as a means of comparison and self hatred. you will never obtain happiness in this manner.

the most difficult thing to do, from my personal viewpoint, is to maintain the belief that everything will work itself out when you have your peers ahead of you. constantly witnessing those having their lives on ‘easy mode’ when you already feel drained from trying to catch up to them. the easiest realisation that you will ever come to is that you don’t have to do any of that.

just do it.

you enjoy painting but you’re worried about whether you’ll ever obtain a career from it? do it anyway. you like singing but you’ve convinced yourself that you’re not worthy of it? do it anyway. no matter what that compact voice inside your mind plagues you with, do it anyway.

if you choose to ignore all of this and continue on your path of self doubt, one day, whether it be in 2 years or in 40, you’re going to wake up drenched in nothing but hatred for yourself because you chose to give into a voice that doesn’t exist.

i choose to ignore the concept of regret.

i spent majority of my teenage years excelling in english (and sociology). anybody who knows me would be able to tell you that the creative writing aspect of english, was the only subject in school that i thoroughly enjoyed. my teacher would showcase my essays to the class and analyse every last detail and every time, she would let me know how good i was. i also spent majority of my teenage years as a working class girl. having the mentality that money is the only thing i should strive for, i went to university and picked a law degree. simply because of the money. now, i’m a few months away from graduating with a degree i want nothing to do with and mountains of student debt.

i could sit here and forcefully put myself through the SQE (solicitors qualifying exam) because it would be the easiest path to carry myself through. i can sacrifice my happiness for a facile lifestyle but, why the fuck would i do that?

i know that the route i’m going for might take me longer than the people i’m surrounded with. i also know that nobody is going to live this life but me. i’m going to make it worthwhile and i am not going to hold my pass self in disgust because the me that i am now, made a different choice. regret is a possibility that i decline to recognise.

you just left your teens.

sometimes, i have to coerce myself into remembering that i am only 21. by this time, samantha jones was not a pr executive yet, miranda hobbes was not a lawyer, rachel green did not have the title of an executive for one of the biggest fashion brands in the world. only now, would i be legally allowed to even walk into a bar if i lived in america. why am i so convinced that time is running out?

the hyperawareness of mortality, the concept of time being finite and the pandemic draining a few years of our lives our all reasons as to why we feel like we’re decades behind. we are not. it’s easier said than done to adopt this belief system but we are not running out of time. we have nothing but time, we just choose to let it pass by us than to spend it doing things that bring us gratification.

whenever i feel myself falling into that hole, i simply do the things that i adore. i write, i pick up a book, i watch films. in those moments, time doesn’t feel finite. in the fleeting moments you spend doing what allows you to be happy, you feel the abundance of time.

choose bliss.

i am eternally grateful for being able to have my whole life ahead of me with countless possibilities. no matter what my age is, i’m in control of my life and i have the ability to choose whatever it is i’m yearning for. you are in control. even if you’re 56 and you decide where you’re at right now isn’t filing you with joy, the beauty of it is that you can completely alter your path. it’s beautiful having access to time and bliss. it’s beautiful to block out the negativity you spew at yourself because you’re not where your peers are.

it’s simply beautiful that all we have is time, that we can breathe and rotate our passageway and allow our bodies to be in possession of a moment of peace.

all you have is time, take advantage of that.